Question: "I know we are to minister to all people, but we have some emotionally fragile individuals who seem to keep the church in turmoil. They make accusations and put people on the defensive. Their interpretation of events or comments require the rest of the church to explain and "mend fences" constantly. I think they are preventing us from keeping new people who attend for a few times."

This situation provides an opportunity to strengthen the conflict resolution skills of the local congregation and open the doors to new and continuous growth spiritually and numerically. Many congregations face conflict. The local churches that develop positive patterns of communicating attract newcomers.

One approach is to work with your church board and other key leaders to decide on how misunderstandings will be dealt with. A policy based on Matthew 18 assures a method of helping bring about understanding. The pastor, Sunday School teachers and small group facilitators will need to teach the members of the congregation to first confer with the person who has offended. Then another person who is inclined to bringing about peace may be secured to help. The third step is to enlist the leadership of the church to solve problems.

Another approach is to ask and to answer the questions: What kind of church do we want? How can we assure a measure of safety for those who fellowship here? What steps will we take if a chronic offender refuses to correct his/her ways?

A third method of dealing with dysfunctional people requires a strong commitment to the unity of the church combined with a caring and nurturing spirit. Leadership must norm healthy behavior by exemplary conduct and by insisting that unhealthy relationships be addressed quickly. Unhealthy and unhappy people can be released to seek other congregations. While no pastor or leadership team wishes to loose friends and fellow worshipers, we dare not surrender to emotional or economic blackmail.

A leader's task includes shaping the climate of a congregation. Conflict reduction will require love, firmness and consistency. The result will be some will grow spiritually as they learn to live and to work in harmony. The church will begin to demonstrate a loving atmosphere that attracts.